I Never Thought

         This trip has been one of the hardest things that I have ever done. I prayed that the Lord would challenge me but I never imagined that He would do it in the ways that He is.  I prayed God, stretch me and break me... I don't know why I am so shocked every time He is faithful. So one of the biggest struggles has been that my whole team is full of introverts and myself, an extrovert.  We had a serious break down in communication and I struggled so much with feelings of loneliness. With 2 couples on the team and me and John, I didn't feel like I had a place here.  I didn't know (and still don't know) what I have  to offer the team.  I feel like on other teams, I have been the encourager or the prayer warrior... but here I just don't know. 

I have also been struggling with doubt... in December I seriously struggled with the thought that Jesus was the only way.  Talking with a Hindu the other day, i asked him if Krishna heard his prayers, he said that he had faith that he heard him. Then he asked me if Jesus heard my prayers... all I could say was the same answer.  Weakness came in all forms today. Spiritually, emotionally and physically. I didn't know quite how to handle it. So as I cried myself to sleep in my nap, Sarah (my teammate) asked me what was wrong. So i broke down and let it out...

Stephanie (other teammate) and I had a great talk.  I have evaluated every other religion... I have read documents and heard testimonies... and I couldn't help but think, if Jesus is not the way, then nothing else is. Then as I talked it out, looking at my life, my natural inclination would be to hate my parents, have no regard for other people and to be completely selfish in all things.  But the only explanation is that Jesus has given me new character.  Only Jesus can explain how I am able to forgive my parents for what they have done. Only Jesus can explain why I am in India for my summer, loving the poor and downcast of the world. Only Jesus can explain why I care for others more than myself. Hinduism can not offer that. Islam can not give me that. B'haism brings no hope. Empty idols can not hear my prayers, but I have tasted and seen that the living God is good and so gracious in changing my life. Continue to pray for me... and my team. I welcome any encouragement you have to offer. 8 weeks is a long time.