4 days..

Sorry I haven't blogged in a while. We are trying to meet with as many people as we can. But after I get home and begin to process things, I will share them with you all. Thank you so much for all your prayers and support. The Lord has blessed me with you all. Take care and America here we come. July 21st. 

Orphanage...

Some of my favorite moments...

So much fun!

I'm pretty sure I taught them this face...

My friend Punam...

We have been going to Grace Home Girl's Orphanage since we arrived in India. Sorry it has taken so long to tell you about these beautiful girls. When we fist went, we were with girls from the Florida team that was here the first three weeks with us. We played hand games (lots of hand games), told a bible story, had a craft and one of us shared our testimony. 30 girls packed in a small room laughing, running and jumping around. It was a sight to see. I learned more hand games in an hour than I have known in my whole life. When we would tell the Bible stories the older girls would correct our mistakes or add the things we missed, they knew them so well. These girls have stolen my heart. 

Their smiles could light up 1,000 rooms and their roaring laughter is sure to bring brightness to anyone's day. This particular day, I found myself observing a lot. It hit me that these girls, despite their present circumstance had amazing joy. The thought of them not having any parents, sleeping 4 girls to a bed and wearing the same clothes day in and day out didn't seem to phase them. Praise songs filled the house and the joy of the Lord was evident there. 

Ryan had a pretty cool conversation with one of the older girls that I overheard. Ryan asked her a bunch of questions but the last question was, "What does India's youth need?" And with great certainty, as if she had thought about it before she said, "Studies and Jesus." Straight from the mouth of a wise 13 year old girl. 

The smiles of each girl grabbed a different part of my heart. I can remember each face vividly. Oh for grace to understand the weight of their present reality, to hurt with them, but to rejoice in the same hope that they rejoice in... JESUS. 

I had a really cool conversation with a girl named Archana. She is 14 years old and in broken english she shared her story of how she got to be at the orphanage. My heart was full of empathy because I knew a little of what she had been through. We had very similar stories in that our parents were both divorced and I got to share with her the importance of forgiveness. That we are to forgive because Christ has forgiven us first. Keep them in prayer that these older girls would disciple the younger ones and that their love for the Lord will grow.  I pray that they would learn to abide in the Lord. She told me that her favorite Psalm was 121. She read it to me from my Bible and it brought back the many times I would call out to the Lord in desperation. I'll leave you with these words...

1 I lift up my eyes to the hills.
From where does my help come?\

2My help comes from the LORD,
   who made heaven and earth.

 ³He will not let your foot be moved;
   he who keeps you will not slumber.

⁴Behold, he who keeps Israel
   will neither slumber nor sleep.

 ⁵The LORD is your keeper;
   the LORD is your shade on your right hand.

⁶ The sun shall not strike you by day,
   nor the moon by night.

 ⁷The LORD will keep you from all evil;
   he will keep your life.

⁸The LORD will keep
   your going out and your coming in
   from this time forth and forevermore.

Surrender Redefined

Sorry it has been a while since I wrote last. I journal so much, then by the time I get on here I dont have much to say. I wanted to share a poem I wrote:

A pen in the hand of a writer

yielding to its every word.

A brush in the hand of a painter

spilling its masterpiece.

Clay in the hand of the potter

molding to his every desire.

Scissors in the hand of a stylist

cutting away dead pieces of no worth.

A guitar in the hand of a musician 

as fingers pick the melody of love.

Shoes on the feet of a runner

trampled under the race of ambition. 

An orhestra in the hands of a composer

who has complete control.

I at your feet, yield to your will

make it my will also.

Write my story to mirror

the work of Christ.

paint my life on the canvas of faith

so the world might view you differently.

Mold me into the woman you have

planned me to be from the beginning.

Cut away burdens and guilt,

wash me in forgiveness.

Let me sing your love for 

all the nations to hear.

Equip my feet with the readiness

of the gospel, to be pressed under the

ambition for all to know. 

Direct my life which you have composed.

Fully surrendered am I. 

Surrender was something that became very prominent last year in China, but it has come up yet again... As all the images in the first stanza have a certain role of submission to the thing/person that dominates the object, so also might I be in complete surrender to Christ.

A good friend shared Acts 20:24 with me and I want to share it with you. It says, "But I do not count my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I have received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God." This is such a beautiful example of Paul's complete surrender. He disregards the value of his life in order to spread the gospel. (Philippians 3:4-11) His ambition in Romans 15:20 is to preach the gospel. His desire in Romans 10:1 is that the Romans would be saved. I sat on my bed this morning and begged Christ to make this my desire, my ambition and my only aim.  He longs for the church in Thessalonica to stand firm in their faith and he is so "affectionately desirous" of them that he wants to share not only the gospel but himself also. I have learned so much from Paul just in the short time that I have been in India. I have learned to not "grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap if we do not give up." Galtians 6:9... Also that I must boast in my weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9), die to myself daily, and be wiling to "spend and be spent" (2 Corinthians 12:15) to exhaustion for the peace of those who do not know...  (It seems as if God is always reminding me of these things.)

This is a high calling but I have faith that God has fully equipped me for the ministry that He has called me to. (Hebrews 13:21) And though at times I feel that I don't know how to be spent for souls, or what exactly it looks like to die to myself daily... God's grace is sufficient for every moment and by His word I am being taught, reproved, corrected and trained for righteousness. (2 Timothy 3:16) What a work he has begun and how faithful He is to complete it. I am clay in my Potter's hand and a poem for Him to write. I will never understand, but I am thankful nonetheless. 

I pray that you are blessed today as you are reminded of the life we find in the word of God. 

A Beautiful Rain

As I walked from the downstairs to the floor above... I was distracted by a beautiful rain that sparked some creative juices... This a view from the steps right outside of where we are staying. 

Showers fall as in

a dry and weary land

where there is no water.

Pour Your mercy out 

like rain on this scorched 

land filled with darkness.

Rain kissed breeze dances

across my face as if

a shadow of Your beauty.

I am overwhelmed...

Praises fall like rain,

blessings flood my existence.

I beg You... Flood this land

with faith, mercy and grace...

We have been doing a lot of ministry here and I was initially discouraged to see no fruit. But I have been encouraged to see that we are able to bless a local pastor and his wife.  Also we met 2 believers that we get an opportunity to disciple. I am so excited!

Continue to pray... our schedule is getting busier, but more consistent so I feel like I can be more intentional. I miss you all so much, but your prayers are appreciated more than you know! 

Habakkuk 2:2-3 has been a blessing to me.  Make the vision plain... if it seems slow, wait for it...

Will write soon! 

Crawling Back to the Throne of Grace...

There are many times where I feel like I need to return to the throne of grace. Sometimes I have strength to sprint back with all my might after realizing I have gone astray, other times it is a bit of complacency that makes me walk, but more recently and more and more often I find myself crawling back to the throne of grace. Tears in my eyes I beg the Lord to take me as I am in all of my filth and sin...  It's so hard for me to grab hold of the love of God which is so far beyond my understanding and the reality that God does receive me with compassion as a Father.  

In the reading of scripture I am bombarded with the beautiful mercy, faithfulness and grace of my Father and I sit astounded.  In this grace the Lord has been training me to renounce ungodliness... to live self-controlled, upright and godly.  I have been humbled in sharing the gospel, challenged in my faith (or lack thereof), and have been in complete awe of the sovereignty of God. 

There is so much I can share with you, but every time I go to blog, I get a bit overwhelmed and save it as a draft.  I will leave you with this short but sweet blog. Continue to pray and I will update soon! 

I Never Thought

         This trip has been one of the hardest things that I have ever done. I prayed that the Lord would challenge me but I never imagined that He would do it in the ways that He is.  I prayed God, stretch me and break me... I don't know why I am so shocked every time He is faithful. So one of the biggest struggles has been that my whole team is full of introverts and myself, an extrovert.  We had a serious break down in communication and I struggled so much with feelings of loneliness. With 2 couples on the team and me and John, I didn't feel like I had a place here.  I didn't know (and still don't know) what I have  to offer the team.  I feel like on other teams, I have been the encourager or the prayer warrior... but here I just don't know. 

I have also been struggling with doubt... in December I seriously struggled with the thought that Jesus was the only way.  Talking with a Hindu the other day, i asked him if Krishna heard his prayers, he said that he had faith that he heard him. Then he asked me if Jesus heard my prayers... all I could say was the same answer.  Weakness came in all forms today. Spiritually, emotionally and physically. I didn't know quite how to handle it. So as I cried myself to sleep in my nap, Sarah (my teammate) asked me what was wrong. So i broke down and let it out...

Stephanie (other teammate) and I had a great talk.  I have evaluated every other religion... I have read documents and heard testimonies... and I couldn't help but think, if Jesus is not the way, then nothing else is. Then as I talked it out, looking at my life, my natural inclination would be to hate my parents, have no regard for other people and to be completely selfish in all things.  But the only explanation is that Jesus has given me new character.  Only Jesus can explain how I am able to forgive my parents for what they have done. Only Jesus can explain why I am in India for my summer, loving the poor and downcast of the world. Only Jesus can explain why I care for others more than myself. Hinduism can not offer that. Islam can not give me that. B'haism brings no hope. Empty idols can not hear my prayers, but I have tasted and seen that the living God is good and so gracious in changing my life. Continue to pray for me... and my team. I welcome any encouragement you have to offer. 8 weeks is a long time. 

My First Devotional In Dehli

We woke up this morning at 6:30 am.  For those of you who know me, that is quite a feat.  But fortunately for me it was 7 pm in the states so i was somewhat awake.  Rachael gave me a little box full of all kinds of cool things before I left but one of my favorite parts was that she made a bunch of index cards and wrote neat things on each one. Today's card said "LESS of me Lord and more of you. Praying for your team..." basically that we would be servants; emptied of ourselves and filled with the H.S. 

 I began to read John 13 and meditate on what it looks like to be a servant and how i might practically do that here. Jesus gives us such a beautiful example of what kind of love we are to love one another with.  Sacrificial love, intentional love, unrelenting love, selfless love and all these we should  imitate because it is the love with which Christ has displayed for us and to us.  This was such a cool thing to think about and pray about this morning. 

Read John 13. I pray that you are challenged more to imitate Christ and be selfless in doing so. I miss you all! :)